Q:
I had a sex dream about my dad and it’s totally fucking with my head. What does it mean?
A:
Sex dreams are a perfectly normal part of being human. So it’s no surprise, as with other non-sexual dreams, they frequently feature the people in our lives. And you know who those people are? Family, friends, bosses, co-workers, your barista, the girl in pilates class with buttsweat you can’t stop staring at, the guy who rides the train at the same time every day as you, or maybe your UPS delivery person. Whether your dermatologist or the hot actor from the show you just binged, every character has the potential to make a surprise appearance in your dreams.
I know it feels super disturbing and you’re probably racking your brain with all kinds of internal quandaries. But fear not! It doesn’t mean you’re a weirdo. It doesn’t mean you want to have sex with your dad, or you have some undiscovered lust for him repressed in your subconscious.
Think of a big cooking pot stewing over a flame whose ingredients are a random hodgepodge of emotions, thoughts, and things you’ve seen and heard. The tiniest imprints leave their mark—a tv show or movie, an interaction you witnessed between people at the store, conversations you’ve had with friends and co-workers. The list goes on and on. These ingredients get thrown in the pot, all jumbled up, resulting in the mélange that gets served up in your sleep. Dream soup. That’s it.
The beauty? You’re the one who assigns what meaning you give to that dream. You are the one who decides whether or not the dream has power over you.
Now, some people in the dream business might say the dream is representative of a union between you and your father, and that it actually has nothing to do with sex. Some people might glean that perhaps you’re looking for a partner who can make you feel secure, safe, and nurtured, the way your father *hopefully* did/does. Some might say you have unresolved issues with your father and your subconscious is working them out through sex. Others might wonder if, in your everyday life, you make all the decisions and hold most of the power, and you really miss a time in your life when you weren’t the one in charge, a time when someone else made the decisions and you didn’t feel the pressure you do now.
You’re the one who gets to choose what to make of it, my dreamy friend.
Human eroticism is the way we make meaning of actual things and the things that happen to us. It doesn’t matter if it’s an engagement ring, a crystal, a family heirloom or recipe, a shared moment with a butterfly or hummingbird, our dreams, or the many rituals we perform daily or otherwise—we are the ones who assign meaning to life & life’s happenings with our own unique lens. Eroticism is our meaning maker. It’s our imagination transfigured into the power of belief.
Let me reassure you, sex dreams are common and you are not alone. In fact, one study estimates that approximately 8% of all dreams involve sexual activity. It’s also common to have sex dreams about people we would never choose to have sex with. So my dreamer, don’t trip! Think about what meaning you might want to give this dream—if any at all—and move forward. There are so many more important things to rack your brain with, rather than to torment yourself with a passing dream.
Love,
Mal